“Burning Your Bra”
Okay, if you ask my friends about me, the terms “opinionated”, “stubborn”, and “crotchety old bastard” would probably come up more than a few times. Sure, I’ll admit I do have my “convictions”, but by the same token, I can also be quite open-minded.
For example, I like the Beatles… they have some good songs… Of course, they ain’t Sinatra or nothing, but they’re pretty talented… you know, if you like rock music. I mean, Elvis really started that whole thing, but I digress….
I even liked those Corvairs when they came out. Of course that whole “engine in the back” thing is a bit weirdo, but they were nice cars. Still rather have a T-Bird, but hey, whatever floats your boat.
Anyway, even as open-minded and “live and let live” as I can be, there are a few things that really tick me off! Really gets my goat! It’s something that, in my opinion, goes against the natural order of things…. Something that is just wrong from every angle…
Of course, I’m talking about CAR BRAS! What kinda bass-ackwards thinking went into the design of that? You see them at car shows… a gorgeous classic car… with a big ugly black vinyl CAR BRA strapped to the nose! Is the car robbing a bank? Is it in the witness-protection program?
Okay, I’m trying to keep an open mind here, so lets go over this… We have: a few small chips in the paint on the hood vs. A BIG HUNK OF BLACK VINYL ACROSS THE WHOLE FRONT OF THE CAR! And you got your little straps to keep it in place and the little black mesh over the grill that all the little bugs get caught in and they’re still pathetically flapping their little wings during the whole show because they’re not dead yet! THIS IS DISTURBING! And there’s some guy standing there saying “Hu-yup, that there protects the front end from chips in the paint!”
Right now, Harley Earl, Virgil Exner, and Raymond Loewy are not only rolling in the graves, they are climbing out of their graves and heading over to this car show right now with tire irons to kick your butt!
BRAS are for WOMAN! Not cars! Are ya afraid the front end of your old Chevy is gonna start sagging and you’re giving it a little support so it don’t drag on the pavement?
Okay, I’ll play devil’s advocate here… so let’s say you’re going to a car show but ya gotta drive through the blasting zone of a rock quarry to get there… so you secretly sneak your bra on the car, then take the backroads, and then about a mile before the show, you pull behind a building and quick rip that thing off your car and hide it under a rock so there’s no possibility that some other car guy will accidentally see a BRA on your Bonneville!
What’s next? PANTIES on your Porsche? A THONG on your Thunderbird? Put away the freakin’ VICTORIA SECRET catalog and show your car the way nature intended it… NAKED and PROUD!
“Oh my goodness, some chips in the paint?! OH, YEAH? MY CAR IS DRIVEN BRA-LESS AND EARNED THOSE CHIPS! …Now don’t get me started!
– The Car-Mudgeon
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Editor’s Note: The opinions expressed in the previous column are those of the author and don’t necessarily represent the core values of tolerance and acceptance of all aspects of the car hobby by CarShowSafari.com.
Car-Mudgeon’s Note: Hey Editors, I got your “core values” right here! If ya don’t like it, don’t read it! Capish? Go watch a kitten video on YouTube! Now, don’t get me started!
Editor’s Note v2: Ahem. Anyone wishing to correspond with the Car-Mudgeon can email him directly at CarMudgeon@CarShowSafari.com. And don’t be afraid to tell him how you really feel!